Author Archives: naturelovingfarmer

This post contains possible triggers and talks about self-harm and suicide attempts. Reader discretion is advised. I didn’t want to talk about this. But I’m making myself. I didn’t know if I should talk about it, but after seeing the posts of some friends I decided to go ahead. I have been hurting myself byContinue reading “I have Put This Off”

I grew up in a very christian house. My mom and stepdad wanted me to go to seminary and become a preacher. When I was a teen, I thought I was best suited to culinary school. I got accepted to The Culinary Institute of America. Mom and stepdad refused to let me go there. SoContinue reading “Three Songs and What My Parents Wanted me to Be”

This is something I have struggled with for some years. I peaked at 412 lbs and 6’2″. Recently I found a solution and I’m actually losing weight. This is just my own system, it is not medical advice. If you divide your food groups into 5 parts, you get:1. grains and tubers – carbohydrate2. meatContinue reading “How to Not Get Obese on Psych Meds”

Self care is probably the most important part of my recovery. I have my own rules and comforts. I live on a small farm. I’m disabled due to mental illness. I can work, but not every day. Try explaining that to a boss. I got fired by the state disability work training program when IContinue reading “It’s the Little Things”

I’ve been in several mental hospitals, mostly for suicide attempts and ideation, and once for a delusion. Not all hospitals are created equal. The OSU Harding psych hospital used restraints and had no outdoor time (which is a huge deal). The State Mental Hospital in Athens used restraints, but had outdoor time. That was aContinue reading “What it’s Like, part 6 The Hospital”

My drug of choice was tobacco. Although it is perfectly legal, it is also crazy hard to quit, and it can kill you in several different ways. I believe that any drug you’re addicted to is a valid thing to say that you’re an addict. Admitting you have a problem is often the first stepContinue reading “What it’s Like, part 5 Addiction”

I’m doing Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder together for two reasons: 1. It is often hard to tell where one begins and the other ends. 2. They were both caused by the same events. This post contains possible triggers such as accounts of physical and verbal abuse. Reader discretion is advised. BorderlineContinue reading “What it’s Like, part 4 BPD and PTSD”

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is probably the most frightening of my issues. But I think I’m mostly over it. I haven’t had a bad panic attack in a while. When I did have them, I often thought I was having a heart attack or dying from some unknown illness. When I do have a bad one,Continue reading “What it’s Like, part 3 GAD”

Schizoaffective Disorder is probably the most unsettling of my diagnoses. It’s also the best managed by my medicine. I started having symptoms around the age of 7 or 8. Normally, it is brought on by puberty and 20-something angst. But I went through immigration trauma by moving from Southern California to Ohio. Although I didn’tContinue reading “What it’s Like, part 2 SZA”

I hope that you will take heart in my posts. I’m a mess, and I’m poor, but I’m still following my dreams. I know you can do it too. This short series goes through what it is like to have these mental illnesses. I hope that anyone who has them becomes aware that they areContinue reading “What it’s Like, part 1 ASD”