This post contains possible triggers and talks about self-harm and suicide attempts. Reader discretion is advised.
I didn’t want to talk about this. But I’m making myself. I didn’t know if I should talk about it, but after seeing the posts of some friends I decided to go ahead. I have been hurting myself by choking since I was a kid. I never do it when there are other people around and it doesn’t leave a mark if I’m careful. I was told long ago that cutting was of the devil, and my parents were pushing me into religion. So I never did it. It all started with a suicide attempt. I tried to choke myself to death with my hands. It didn’t work. As soon as I passed out my hands went limp and I woke up a minute later. But realizing I didn’t die I started using choking to punish myself whenever I didn’t get my parents’ approval. I did it more after leaving my parents’ house because I felt like I deserved to be in pain. I also experimented with whipping my own back and picking at zits until a lot of blood came out. I recently got a large boil just below my stomach and I picked at it until my hand was covered in blood. I’m going to be working with my therapist to stop. My appt is tomorrow, and I hope to find some answers then.