What it’s Like, part 3 GAD

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is probably the most frightening of my issues. But I think I’m mostly over it. I haven’t had a bad panic attack in a while. When I did have them, I often thought I was having a heart attack or dying from some unknown illness. When I do have a bad one, it starts as chest pains. Then my pulse goes weak and I have heart palpitations. Then my muscles start seizing up and I get stiff all over. It’s painful. I can’t calm down or get un-stuck from that point without an injection of ativan and some kind of hardcore pain med. They use oxycodone and ativan and it takes about 10 minutes to relax my muscles, and about 30 minutes for the episode to end. I never did find out what caused it. The hospital saw me about once a month during the time I was going through it. I often had less extreme attacks that put me out of commission for the day. Now I just have anxiety attacks, not the hardcore panic attacks. Usually I can catch it early and use meditation to show it the door before it gets the chance to hurt me. I recommend seated yoga and walking meditation. If it’s warm out, I walk on the grass barefoot and focus my attention on the way the grass feels. It helps me a lot.

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