I have a full roster of alphabet soup diagnoses. I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), SZA (Schizoaffective Disorder), GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I also get addicted to things (tobacco and other legal drugs) easily and struggle with self harm (by choking or banging my head on things). I’m a mess. Well, sometimes. I have been in the psych hospitals several times for suicide and once because I thought I was a monster.
I take a lot of pills. I take a tranquilizer, melatonin, an anti-psychotic, an anti-depressant, a mood stabilizer, ulcer medicine, and vitamins. In total, 11 pills a day if I’m not physically sick.
In future posts I will talk about each issue and try to do it in some kind of order. I will also talk about my personal philosophy which has helped me in a number of ways.
I’m creating this blog as a journal, It is the recommendation of my therapist. When I talk about events, I will either refer to people by relationship or by false names. I do so for their privacy. Some of these people have done things that are absolutely terrible. But I forgave them. I do not think that who they were then is who they are now. I’m certainly not. I leave any judgement to Anubis, who in Egyptian mythology, weighs the hearts of mankind against a feather. If the heart is heavy from the burden of their sins, they are devoured by Sobek. But if they are light as a feather from doing good deeds, they pass on to paradise. It isn’t my place to judge people as good or bad and to exact punishment. Otherwise, my heart would be heavy.
PS: I hope you like the Giant Isopod picture. It is my favorite animal. It is about the size of a football and is closely related to the roly poly.