I hope that you will take heart in my posts. I’m a mess, and I’m poor, but I’m still following my dreams. I know you can do it too. This short series goes through what it is like to have these mental illnesses. I hope that anyone who has them becomes aware that they are not alone in their suffering, and I hope that those who don’t have them can have more empathy for those that do.
What it is like to have Autism
I’m an adult. I’m 30. Autism is the only mental illness I was born with. It also caused all of the others in one way or another. I have had to learn social skills the hard way, by studying and practicing. I have a hard time still looking at people’s eyes when they speak. I look at the floor or their lips. I can look at their eyes or listen to them, but not both. I also take things literally. I know it’s an issue, but I can’t do much about it. People that know me just avoid things that I could take the wrong way. I always tell people to be specific and only say what they mean. And this other thing, I’m not sure how much is the ASD or the BPD, but I over-detect anger. They might not be angry. I think I get it wrong about half of the time because I’m unable to understand tone of voice. I guess by going through the markers for anger such as being louder, talking faster, and redness of the face. I have another issue. I hyper-focus on one topic: food. I think about food for most of the time I’m awake and food was the reason I learned to speak Japanese and learned how to farm. As you might expect, I’m an outstanding home cook. I have a lot of social anxiety. I have a hard time using the phone or talking to strangers, but I make myself do it anyways as part of my learning. The effects have lessened greatly in the past few years due to my diligence in studying other peoples’ behavior. You may sometimes see me ramble in a post. Autism causes this. I’m overly good at pattern recognition so I go off on tangents without really thinking that I have. If I’m doing that verbally, my family usually stops me.
My Scars are Inside 